I Want You

[24 April 2014]

OHMIGOSH. How am I supposed to write? It finally happened! I was bold and it totally worked! I feel so alive! And distracted and like, still horny.

Ok, so what happened, right? I’m going to try to tell it the best I can.

I’ve mentioned before that Ove, Summer, Nemi and I like to have dinners together; aside from the common dinners, we usually try to eat together once a week, usually on Wednesdays or Thursdays. Well, this time it’s Summer’s turn to cook, [and she makes a gorgeous Chinese hot pot!] so Nemi decides to go for a run and Ove while I decide to play some Tekken.We basically we’re needed anyway since Jonas, who totally has a crush on Summer decides he’s helping her out, under the pretext of learning how to make that dish.

Anyway, since writing yesterday’s post, I decide that I have to force myself be bold. So I let Ove be the first one to go to his room to set up the game, and then I come in a bit later and make  sure to close his door…. Just so that he won’t notice this nefarious action…

We play, like three rounds. Ove wins the best out of three challenge, and sets out gloating about his victory by reaching for the masking tape. I am faster [I guess I’m more prepared since I lose more often than not], however, and snatch it out of his reach, hiding it behind me. We end up wrestling for it for a while, until I find myself almost losing that fight too.

I have the masking tape behind my back, I’m half lying on it actually, since at this point only half of my back is against the wall. Ove’s bed is all messed up from our activity, so the tape gets burrowed in the blanket. Ove then manages to grab the arm that’s hiding the tape, he looms close, over me and I just know that it is now or never.

As the thought occurs to me, it feels like everything stops except for my heart. It thunders in my chest! And I look at him, just to make sure that I will be able reach his mouth… our eyes meet, and I swear that his grip slackens. Nevertheless, to me that’s not really a positive indication, and thus don’t ease my fears of failing and humiliating myself in this critical moment of seduction. But I suck in a short breath, wave goodbye to any hesitation and lean up, eyes open, to kiss his lips. As our noses touch, I see that he realizes what is about to happen; his hands leave my arms and he meets my kiss.

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My whole body is set on fire when our lips touch in a steady slow, but not soft kiss. Ove’s body is moving around me, but I can’t really tell what he’s doing… all I can do is follow his lead. He pulls me on my side and closer to him as I break the kiss. When I start to regain spacial awareness, I notice that his heart is beating like crazy too! Then, with his hand on the back of my neck he pulls me into another kiss. It feels wonderful, like being completely alive! Ove’s all around me: his legs are between mine and I’m surrounded his warmth and smell. But then I have to breathe again, so I reach into his soft hair to signal for a breather.

I’m totally out of breath now, so I decide to take it easy for a little while. I lie down on my back and just look at him hungrily. He is caressing my sides, and I feel like I’m bathing in endorphins. I don’t really know what to say now, and to be honest I don’t feel like talking, so I make no effort to speak. Ove is looking down on me, thoughtfully, also seemingly unwilling to speak. We just stay like that for a while. My mind is on pause, and my body revels in every touch that Ove bestows upon me. I’m also incredibly turned on, but I know better than to make any sexual move because the food would be ready any moment now and we’re already too flushed for our own good.

Then Ove finally makes an effort:

“Um, I have to tell you… I not in love with you.”

It feels like I’ve just been hit with a bucket of cold water. All the warm feelings: up in smoke and I’m left with embarrassment creeping up my neck. It’s not like I’m in love with him either, I think vicerally. Why would he think that about me? He was the one that started holding hands and shit! I take a breath calm the blitz of angry thoughts rattling around my brain. I’m not going to do or say anything rash now, since I don’t want him to think that I’m supposedly in love with his stupid ass and nor do I want to ruin my, um, chances after all this. I am cool, I am controlled and  tactical, I repeat this mantra a few times.

“Er, I’m not in love. Just curious of what it’s like. We can stop, if you want?” I said slowly.

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Ove visibly relaxes. So I too relax. But his eyes are still intense, and slowly he lowers himself upon me and bites my under lip, licks it and fills my mouth with his warmth. He moves atop of me, and presses his pelvis against me so I feel his hard-on through our clothes. I feel a sudden pool of stickiness forming between my legs. I wants him so much that my whole body is attuned to his movements. I try to press myself closer to him too. At last hi breaks the kiss to say under his breath and into my neck:

“I really want you.”

I sort of giggle and push my hands under his t-shirt, stroking his back. Good. I’m not only one around here feeling like that. We continue to make out on his bed for a while until we have to straighten up so we go to the kitchen without seeming conspicuous. Which is such a difficult task to carry out, since my whole body refuses to follow orders, as I’m super aroused. And God only knows, if I’ll be able to continue this make out session at a later date… in the end, however, we manage to get our acts together, and saunter to the kitchen as if nothing happened.

I’m distracted through the whole dinner, trying to figure out what I’ve just done and what to do next. I finally got to make out with Ove, but it’s not enough. Kissing isn’t end game here, but I don’t know how to go about leveling up so to speak. It’s crazy having dinner like that, having to hide the stuff that we’d just done to both Nemi and Summer, while at the same time having to meet Ove’s eyes. His KNOWING eyes. Even though I’m sure he’s acting completely normal to everyone else, every time our eyes meet I feel a burning sensation run from my heart down my spine to my crotch. And then my thoughts just break, and I, like, have to try to piece them together again ab initio, while trying to keep up with conversation at the table.

After dinner, we decide to watch a movie, which makes me feel both relieved and impatient at the same time. I’m relieved to not have to talk and that everyone’s focus in on the TV, while I think; but I’m impatient because I have to wait until the movie’s over before I can get close to Ove again. We end up not sitting close to each other during the movie, since I decide to occupy a single seat couch because I don’t think I’m be able to be next to him for so long without revealing our tryst to the world. I just feel so contradictory. Full of tension and irritation at not being able to just jump him right away.

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I don’t even know what movie we end up watching, as I’m so preoccupied with finding a way to prolong our budding liaison. I’m guessing around half way through the movie, I hit upon a brilliant idea! I get my phone out and text him the following:

“Do you want to continue making out? If yes, stay until everyone leaves. No, if you get up and leave right after the movie and we never speak of what happened today.”

I thought it’s a brilliant idea, but in fact it turns out to be really fucking dumb. Well… To be sure, this is a good way to get some answers without losing much dignity, but the wait for movie to end is truly agonizing! By the end of it, I can’t explain how uncomfortable i feel… it’s a strange mixture of arousal and anxiety which obviously shows, since Nemi asks if I’m getting ill. I try to keep calm when I notice Ove check his phone, and then when he doesn’t immediately leave I relax a little.

But then Nemi and Summer start chatting leisurely about the movie, showing no signs of leaving any time soon. I do my utmost to hide my irritation at them still being here, while seeming to be engaged in the conversation. Ove, on the other hand, decides to occupy himself with the dishes left over from the dinner, which Nemi promised to do tomorrow. Our situation get a lot worse when Jonas, Phillip and Vrej saunter in to hang out. Needless to say I’m completely bummed out.

When Ove’s done with the dishes, he leaves. I freeze as I watch him go, confused, unsure of what it means. Then a few minutes after I get a text from him:

“It didn’t look like anyone was leaving, and I couldn’t wait there any longer. Just come to my room when you’re done. Soon. ;-)”

Feeling better endure a half hour of hang, since I decide not be suspicious by to leaving after Ove. Some minutes after Phillip turns in for the night, I also say good night. When  I reach our doors, I’m like a proper criminal, as I looked around to check that nobody is coming before I quickly hop into Ove’s room, closing AND locking the door behind me!

 

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