[21st April 2014]
Waaaaah! I’m such a chicken…
Nothing has happened since Ove’s return, because I got cold feet. He arrived in time for the common dinner with the few of us who were back from/ never left for Easter. After dinner we end up chatting for a while, and then we squeeze into the common room sofa to watch Game of Thrones and Reign, which is our floor’s weekly thing now.
I’m sitting beside Ove, at the far right end of the sofa, pretty darn pleased that we ended up sitting so tightly pressed against each other. There are only five of us there, so we decide that no one should feel left out and banished to the single person couches; that all of us can indeed cozy up together on the poor sofa. We joke about how that way Nemi and Summer will even have moral support whenever someone dies in GoT. So for us to fit, Ove and Jonas have to rest their arms behind our necks, on the back of the sofa in order to sit reasonably comfortably.
Anyway, we’re well into the episode when Ove starts to discretely play with my hair. At first twisting the curled ends around his finger, and then when they got tangled as a result of him, he starts combing my hair with his fingers. My heart never beat so fast! I have my left side completely pressed against him, his enticing smell all up in my personal space, his arm technically around me playing with my hair. This is it, I think, it cannot be just harmless familiarity— this means something!
Still, I don’t dare to flirt back— I don’t even dare to look at him in askance. It’s been almost five days since we last saw each other and we haven’t even really touched base: he literally came as we were setting the table. I feel a little out of practice with our regular familiar banter, mainly because I’ve been thinking about him all weekend imagining us having sex all over our rooms and making myself come to those thoughts. So I just sit there very still, silently accepting his light petting. Even so, by the end of our TV time, I am so aroused by him touching my hair – I mean he would just graze the skin on my neck from time to time! That is all it takes! So, I’m feeling confusingly awkward that I don’t even dare to look at him when I make my excuses to go to bed.
Pathetic, I know… after wishing to see him the whole weekend, and then getting a positive sign that it might be OK to make a move, I end up sat in my room going solo instead.
But here’s how I can back up my insecurities: when I think about it, this isn’t the first time that Ove does something on the flirty side of the tracks to my hair. Sometimes, we (our floor) will sit up to watch classic or cult movies and other TV shows together. There is always someone who has not seen something that they must see— be it Indiana Jones, The Godfather, Alien, Casablanca or Monty Python, etc. If we end up sitting next to each other he will pick a stray curl of my hair and try press on it like it’s a spring, or when it’s really late into a movie marathon I can even rest my head on his lap and let him have his way with my curls.
But I never really though much of it before since we’re all pretty familiar with each other in the corridor. Nemi and Summer have a running joke where they compete over how they will get Jonas to marry them— since his father is a chef, he is a great cook. We all hug each other liberally, have heart to hearts; Emil and I often read The Economist and Dagens Industri together with our heads butting and we are so practiced that we’ve synchronized our reading speed; Vrej is a total gentleman, while the other guys joke that he’s whipped by us girls; Phillip is a cute nerd that everyone cossets. The only ones that are slightly less touchy feely— not by much, though— of this floor “family” are Cecilia and Hampus. The former, aside from being the floor manager, is a proper introvert and likes to keep more to herself, while the latter has a girlfriend he adores so he spends a lot of time at her place. I digress; my point is that somehow Ove’s hair playing felt different this time, but it’s quite possible that it is because I’ve caught the feels now.