[20th April 2014]
God, it’s insane how much I want him! I can’t be sure of how many times I’ve fingered myself this weekend— at least once a day— but it’s a lot! I kept imagining different scenarios of him being back early from his break. Ove knocking on my door raw lust in his eyes, kissing me senseless when I open the door and without releasing my mouth he picks me up in a piggy front and carries me back into my room, drops me on the bed and proceeds to pull down my pants and underwear in one go. I reach for more of him as he unzips his jeans, then he flips me over and takes me deeply from behind, making me moan loudly with pleasure at his dominant but measured thrusts until he comes all over my inside.
We study different things and don’t have any common friends other than the people that live here, so we usually just see each other in the evenings when making dinner and hang out while watching TV or playing video games afterward. I can’t say I’ve actually seen him in real life— by that I mean outside the residence, like at school or about town.
To be honest, he seems like the perfect rebound/hook up material! Like I said, I’ve never seen him IRL, he is pretty chill and we usually have a laugh together. But he is also immature and has questionable— maybe even bigoted, but definitely offensive— opinions about certain things. So one can safely file a big chunk of him under “asshole”. And yet(!) he is the hottest guy that I realistically feel that I’m on the verge of banging— a statement that really can’t count for much since I have only “banged” one dude before, and at the time he was the hottest guy I’d ever been on the verge of banging then. It’s sad that he no longer is. T_T
Anyway, at the moment my state of mind is that I can’t let a his assholery pussyblock me when I’m so horny, especially since I’m not a paragon myself…
I’ve also been thinking about what to do about X. I’m not sure how to go about breaking up with him. On the one hand, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, but on another more instinctive level it feels unfair to have to be the tactful one. I kind of want a bit of revenge for what he did before our trip. Rising above it all is simply too difficult considering how humiliated I felt— and still feel whenever I think of it. Since I decided to end our relationship, the thought of just letting it go is no match against the fact that I feel vindicated to cheat.