Can’t Get You Out Of My Head

[18th April 2014]

I have bunch of amazing girlfriends who are totally empowered and have no problem talking openly about their sex lives – I’m talking the good, the bad and the ugly! I mean, that’s mainly how I know to be vigilant of all jerks out trolling around the world. So in theory I should have no problem talking to them. And while I’m certainly not a prude in real life, irrationally I feel extremely stupid about telling them about this stuff because:

  • I have a boyfriend and have been in a relationship for almost 4 years.
  • I am attracted to my neighbour— not aforementioned boyfriend.

I feel very immature, on the one hand, because I’ve only ever been with one guy before. On the other hand, I’ve been kind of proud, of being with a great guy… and since, until recently, I used to feel all grown up about the fact that I was in a stable relationship that doesn’t only circle around sex anymore – so this sudden intense desire for Ove took me by surprise, to say the least. Then there is the fact that we all live on the same floor of the student residence… the idea of them knowing just seems weird, keeping in mind what Nemi* always says about not to be shitting where you eat.

I’ve made two important decisions, though, and the easiest way for me to stick to a commitment is to let other people know of it, create some kind of accountability for myself, if you will. So I’d decided that:

  • I am going to break up with X
  • I am going to make a move on Ove

I feel like such a twat, ‘cause Ove has only been gone since Wednesday evening, and all I can think about is how much I can’t wait for him to come back! I have to try really hard to restrain myself from talking about him, like Summer and Nemi do when they’re really into someone. I don’t want to be that obvious…

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